Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone signed my nipple.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
