I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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