I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
