fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
