so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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