So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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