No stitches, just platelets and will power
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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