i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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