you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize