made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
