I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
