Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
