Are we in a gay sports bar?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
