you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
