"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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