Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
