the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
