Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
