She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
