I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
