she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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