I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
