My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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