I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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