Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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