In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize