oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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