Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize