even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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