Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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