First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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