i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
