just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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