Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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