i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
