Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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