Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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