You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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