Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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