Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
