I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
