Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
