Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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