Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
