I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
