Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
