And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
