well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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