Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
