So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Randomize
