What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
