the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
