Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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