this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
