PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
