this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
