real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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