Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize