and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
