she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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