Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
