This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
