he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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