I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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