yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
