Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm bleeding and have questions
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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