So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
