You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
