I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
