you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
