everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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