i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
