Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
