either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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