Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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