Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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