it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it glows. i had to have it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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