White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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