She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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