Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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