i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
