I faked an abortion last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
