I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
