and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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