when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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