she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
