Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ttyl tear gas
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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