Barsexuality is the new black.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come on in and take your pants off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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