even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
