he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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