I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
