my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
