too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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